New Year, Same Anxiety? What High-Functioning Anxiety Really Looks Like

If your life looks “together” from the outside — but inside you feel tense, overwhelmed, or constantly on edge — this article is for you.

Many people begin the New Year hoping to feel calmer and more grounded. Yet despite goals, planners, and fresh starts, the anxiety never fully goes away. Instead, it hides behind achievement, responsibility, and strength.

This is often called high-functioning anxiety — and it affects many successful, capable people who appear calm and composed while silently fighting worry, overthinking, and self-criticism.

And because you’re still “functioning,” it often goes unnoticed — even by you.

What High-Functioning Anxiety Actually Looks Like

You may recognize yourself here:

✔ You overthink decisions and replay conversations
✔ You push yourself to meet high expectations
✔ You look confident — but rarely feel at ease
✔ You manage work, relationships, household, schedules
✔ You say “I’m fine,” even when you’re overwhelmed
✔ You struggle to rest without guilt
✔ You worry about disappointing others
✔ You hold everything together — even when exhausted

On the outside, you might be:

the dependable one
the overachiever
the caretaker
the emotionally steady one

But internally, you may feel:

tense
restless
wired
never good enough

This anxiety often blends with people-pleasing, perfectionism, and codependent patterns. You hold responsibility — not only for tasks, but for emotions, harmony, and outcomes.

Why High-Functioning Anxiety Is So Common

High-functioning anxiety usually develops for a reason. Often, it begins in environments where:

• staying calm kept you safe
• approval mattered
• emotional needs weren’t prioritized
• conflict felt scary
• achievement meant belonging

Your nervous system learned to stay alert.
To anticipate needs.
To prevent problems before they happen.

Over time, this vigilance becomes “normal.”

But normal doesn’t always mean healthy.

What High-Functioning Anxiety Feels Like Day-to-Day

You may notice:

• trouble relaxing — even when life is stable

• feeling wired but tired

• tight chest, shallow breathing

• difficulty falling asleep

• tension headaches or jaw clenching

• dread when your phone buzzes

• guilt when setting boundaries

• constant self-evaluation

And when others say:

“You’re so strong.”
“You do so much.”
“You’re amazing!”

…you smile.
But you might quietly think:

“If only you knew how I actually feel.”

The Hidden Cost of Looking “Fine”

High-functioning anxiety often means you don’t ask for help — because you don’t want to burden anyone. You pride yourself on being capable.

But the cost can look like:

• burnout
• resentment
• emotional disconnection
• loneliness
• exhaustion and health issues
• feeling unseen

You may even question your right to struggle:

“Other people have it worse. I should be able to handle this.”

But your pain still matters.

How Therapy Helps High-Functioning Anxiety Heal

Anxiety isn’t just “in your head.”
It lives in the nervous system.

Therapy can help you shift from survival mode into calm, grounded presence — without losing your compassion, strength, or drive.

I integrate both IFS and EMDR therapy to address anxiety.

IFS (Internal Family Systems)

IFS gently helps you explore the “parts” of you that:

• overwork
• keep the peace
• hold guilt
• worry constantly
• never feel “enough”

We don’t judge these parts — we understand them.

Many of them developed to protect you.

With IFS, you learn to:

✔ build self-compassion
✔ reduce inner criticism
✔ trust your needs
✔ create emotional safety
✔ loosen the grip of people-pleasing

So you don’t have to perform calm —
you can actually feel it.

EMDR Therapy

EMDR helps your brain and body process past experiences that still trigger anxiety today — such as:

• emotional neglect
• criticism
• family tension
• unpredictable environments
• relational trauma

Instead of just coping, EMDR addresses the root patterns driving anxiety and hypervigilance.

Clients often notice:

✔ fewer spirals
✔ calmer baseline
✔ less reactivity
✔ improved sleep
✔ more self-trust

Your nervous system learns — slowly and safely — that you don’t have to stay on guard all the time.

What Healing Can Look Like

You begin to:

say “no” without panic
rest without guilt
feel at home in your body
respond vs. react
allow imperfection
receive support
speak your needs

Not because everything becomes easy —
but because you feel steadier inside.

Therapy for High-Functioning Anxiety in Beaverton, Oregon & Online

If you see yourself in this — you’re not alone.

I provide trauma-informed therapy for people experiencing anxiety, people-pleasing, perfectionism, and codependent relationship patterns.

In-Person Therapy — Beaverton, Oregon

A calming, supportive space to slow down and breathe.

Online Therapy — Oregon & Washington

Secure, convenient telehealth for those who prefer therapy from home.

I integrate IFS, EMDR, and somatic therapy to support nervous-system healing — not just symptom management.

You don’t have to keep carrying everything alone.

You deserve a life that feels calmer —
not just one that looks put-together.